Overheard, in a basement in Delaware,April 27, AD 2021
“Good evening, sir!”
“Oh. Good evening.”
“I have soup for you, sir!”
“Oh.”
“Here you are, sir, Kitchen Cabinet Soup, sir.”
“Never heard of it.”
“Well, the cook said Kitchen Cabinet Soup is basically just a vegetable soup with macaroni added, but when she saw the title, she couldn’t resist, sir.”
“Lucky me.”
“Well, sure, sir… she’s in the kitchen and you have a cabinet. Makes sense, sir, doesn’t it?”
“I guess so.”
“Speaking of the cabinet, sir… how’s your week going, so far, sir?”
“I don’t know, Rhett. Ask me at the end of it how the week went, maybe then I’ll know.”
“Oh. Well. Touchy, touchy.”
“Come on, man! Those allegations were disproven!”
“Huh? Oh, I see, no, I meant, ummm, touchy, as in, uh, short-tempered, sir. Having a bad day, sir?”
“No, no, just getting ready for my speech tomorrow.”
“Oh, right, you’re finally appearing before Congress, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Who ya bringing, sir?”
“What?”
“Well, you know, sir, people usually bring some good friends, or special guests… you bringing any sir?”
“No, no. Not nowadays.”
“Why not, sir?”
“Pandemic.”
“Sir, if you gave somebody the opportunity to attend a special invitation-only joint session of congress, nobody in his right mind would turn you down, sir.”
“No?”
“Of course not, sir. It’s the E-ticket of a lifetime, sir.”
“But aren’t people afraid of the virus?”
“Frankly, sir, nobody’s as afraid of the virus as you people in Washington think they are, sir. Most people, if they had it all to do over again, would just go back a year ago and live their lives normally, sir.”
“What? You mean, without masks? Without social distancing? Without occupancy limits?”
“Well, sure, sir. Now that the data is in, and after a whole year, the places that did lockdowns, masks and distancing didn’t do much better or worse than the places that didn’t, sir.”
“Come on , man!”
“Heck, MIT is admitting that the social distancing doesn’t have any effect, lots of studies have admitted the masks do more harm than good, the hundreds of thousands of businesses that have gone under certainly show that the economic cost has been horrendous, sir.”
“But think of the lives we’ve saved!”
‘What lives, sir? No evidence that there’s been any benefit, sir, and we’ve destroyed the world economy. For what, sir? For an economic experiment, sir?”
“Well, as long as we’ve learned something, then it’s all been worthwhile.”
“Has it, sir? My dad always quotes Gandalf on that: ‘He who destroys a thing to see how it works has left the path of wisdom.'”
“Hmm… shouldn’t that be ‘he OR she,’ son?”
“I beg your pardon, sir?”
“He or she. He or she who destroys a thing….”
“Um, sir, I think you’re missing Gandalf’s point, sir.”
“Who’s this Gandalf? Should I know him?”
“He’s a fictional character, sir. From JRR Tolkien, sir.”
“Who?”
“An English writer, sir.”
“Oh. Well, this is America. Who cares about English writers anyway.”
“You’re definitely missing the point, sir.”
“Well, I’ve got to get back to my speech.”
“Oh, writing your speech for tomorrow, sir?”
“Writing? No. I have people for that. I’m just reading it. Gotta know what I’m saying.”
“Ah. I see. What do you do if you have questions, sir?”
“Oh, they include notes for me so I know what I’m saying. and of curse there’s always the earpiece.”
“I see, sir.”
“So I’ll just finish my soup and keep reading, Rhett.”
“Yes sir. So, uh, who are you bringing with you, sir? or who are you leaving behind? From the cabinet, sir?”
“Who cares?”
“Just wondering who the designated survivor is, sir.”
“Oh. Yeah. Forgot about that.”
“So who are you leaving behind, sir?”
“Well, I thought maybe Jennifer Granholm of Michigan. She’s been a governor, you know.”
“So? She couldn’t succeed you.”
“Huh? Why not?”
“Not a natural born citizen, sir. Born in Canada, sir.”
“Oh. Right. Forgot about that. Well… maybe I’ll leave Alejandro Majorcas behind.”
“What for, sir?”
‘Well, he’s Secretary of Homeland Security. He could be president.”
“No he couldn’t, sir.”
“Come on, Man!”
“No, seriously, sir… he’s not a natural born citizen, sir. He was born in Mexico, sir.”
“Oh.”
“Who else you got?”
“Oh, maybe I should just tell Kamala not to come.”
“Well sir, I’m sure that would be a welcome decision… you wouldn’t have to worry about her laughing hysterically at serious policy points because she thinks they’re jokes, sir…”
“Hey, this is a good idea, isn’t it?”
“Well, it is, but she can’t be your designated survior, sir.”
“Why not?”
“Not a natural born citizen, sir. Her mother was an Indian coed on a student visa, and her father was a Jamaican college student on a student visa. No US Citizen parents. She’s not eligible.”
“Really?”
“Yes indeed, sir. At least, not as the Framers intended when they wrote the Constitution, sir.”
“Heh heh. That’s rich.”
“What is, sir?”
“Well, the way she’s been measuring the drapes lately, she’s in for a heck of a surprise.”
“Well, sir, hopefully not soon!”
“Huh? Oh, yes, right.”
“So who’s it gonna be, sir?”
“Oh, I guess I’ll leave Janet Yellin behind. I’ll tell her not to come.”
“And you’ll let her think it’s so she’s the designated survivor, sir? Good move. Nobody wants to see her anyway.”
“Well, that settles it. Now i just have to choose my mask.”
“I beg your pardon, sir?”
“Gotta choose my mask.”
“You’re not wearing a mask to address a joint session of congress, sir, are you? Really?”
“well, sure, son… some of them might not have been vaccinated yet.”
“Sir, do you have any idea how absolutely impotent it makes the United States look when you appear in public to give a speech, an you’re wearing a mask, sir? Makes everybody think about highway bandits, sir, you know?”
“You think? “
“Oh definitely, sir. When a politician appears in public in a mask, it reflects on the whole country, sir. It looks either afraid or criminal, sir. Like the masked man is a wild west bank robber.”
“Wow, that’s neat.”
“What is, sir?”
“Well, it’s just that, when I was a kid in Scranton… I don’t know if you knew, but I was raised in Scranton…”
“Really, sir? Well fancy that.”
“Yup. When I was a boy in Scranton, I just dreamed about how cool would be to have been a bank robber in the wild west.”
“And why am I not surprised…
…end of transmission…
Copyright 2021 John F Di Leo
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