Evening Soup with Basement Joe, April 26, 2021

Overheard, in a basement in Delaware, April 26, AD 2021:
“Good evening, sir! Ready for soup?”
“Oh, Rhett… what are you doing here?”
“Uh, I work here, sir… remember, I took the part time job bringing you soup each evening, sir?”
“Isn’t the cook’s knee better yet?”
“Guess not, sir. When I arrived, I saw her get up from the table where she was making gyoza, and she sure had difficulty standing up, sir.”
“Oh.”
“If you don’t want me to bring it down, though, I’m sure you could just walk upstairs and get it yourself, sir.”
“Oh no… no thanks.. have you seen that staircase? It’s awfully steep. No, you, uh, you keep it up, son. You can keep the job.”
“Yes sir. Well, sir, here it is. Syrian Lentil Soup, sir.”
“What’s in it?”
“Lentils, sir. Lentil beans.”
“In what?”
“Uh… in soup, sir.”
“Oh. Well. There’d better be crackers.”
“Yes sir. It’s always the same, sir. Soup, crackers, napkins, spoon, sir.”
“Okay. Let’s try this then.”
“So how’s your week going so far, sir?”
“Mmm.. Good soup. What was that?”
“How’s your week going, sir?”
“Oh. I don’t know. all this back and forth. Too much for me. Wish I could stay put a while.”
“I didn’t realize you’d been traveling so much, sir.”
“Yeah, Helicopter to car to building, building to car to helicopter, it’s always getting out of one vehicle, getting into another vehicle…”
“Why don’t you walk, sir?”
“Have you seen the distance? It’s a long walk!”
“From the lawn where the helicopter lands to the building, sir?”
“Oh yes. It’s a hundred feet or more!”
“Why do they want you to take a car for such a short trip, sir?”
“Uhhh… security. Safety. It’s dangerous, you know. Gotta be safe.”
“Oh. And riding in an SUV for a hundred feet is safer than walking? What if they booby-trapped the SUV, sir?”
“Huh? Could they do that?”
“Well, I don’t think it’s likely, sir, but… seems more likely than being endangered by a hundred foot stretch of backyard, sir… Unless…. it’s not that you can’t walk that far on your own, is it, sir?”
“Huh? Oh, no, sure I can. I mean, I could. I mean… but… have you seen how far it is? Sometimes, I get out of the helicopter and look all that way, and my head starts swimming…”
“I see, sir.”
“This is good soup.”
“Glad to hear it, sir.”
“What did you say it is?”
“Syrian Lentil Soup, sir.”
“Huh. Fancy that.”
“What, sir?”
“Well, they were just talking about Syria today in a meeting.”
“Oh? What about, sir?”
“Oh, I don’t remember. I don’t pay attention to the unimportant stuff. Meetings all day long. Sleep through the unimportant stuff….”
“But what if something important came up while you were asleep, sir?”
“Oh, I’m sure they’d wake me.”
“What if it was something they didn’t want you to know about?”
“Could that happen?”
“Well, sir, how about that big story that broke over the weekend about John Kerry, sir?”
“What story?”
“About how he spilled a ton of national security secrets to the Iranians back when he was Secretary of State, sir?”
“Come on, man!”
“Well, that’s the news, sir. It was reported everywhere this weekend, sir.”
“No way!”
“Apparently he told the foreign minister of Iran about a bunch of Israeli strikes at Iranian targets in Syria, sir.”
“You lying dog-faced pony soldier!”
“Uh, sir, it’s not me, it’s the news media who reported it, sir.”
“Well, they made it up.”
“They heard it from the foreign minister of Iran, himself, sir.”
“Come on, man!”
“It’s on tape, sir.”
“Tape?”
“Yes sir.”
“Oh.”
“So now everybody’s calling for Kerry to resign. What are you going to do about it, sir?”
“Me? What do I have to do with it?”
“Well, sir, you could tell him to resign, sir.”
“I’m not going to do that!”
“Well, you could give him the choice of resigning or being fired, sir.”
“Can I do that?”
“Well, sure, sir. He reports to you, sir.”
“He does?”
“Well, sure, sir, you appointed him special envoy, or something, sir. He’s a friend of the Iranians; he likes them more than he likes us. You had to know he’d spill secrets to them, sir. But now that he’s been caught, I guess you have to do something about it, sir.”
“This is hard.”
“I’m sure it is, sir.”
“Being just a senator was a lot easier on me.”
“It was a lot easier on all of us, sir.”
“Isn’t there a third option?”
“Well, sir, there’s always a third option.”
“What’s the third option?”
“Well, sir, my dad always tells this old story… he says it’s hundreds of years old, sir.”
“Well, what do I have to lose… go ahead.”
“Well, sir, the story concerns an anti-semitic king who calls in the local rabbi for an official visit. The rabbi had a reputation for being extremely wise. The rabbi comes in, nervous, and asks what the king needs.”
“And…?”
“Well, sir, the king commands that the rabbi has to teach the king’s pet monkey to sing… or he’ll be put to death.”
“That’s insane. That’s an unbelievable story. He can’t do that.”
“Well, sir, that’s just what the rabbi’s congregation said when he got back to the synagogue, sir. They said it wasn’t possible. But the rabbi said ‘I told him for such a big job, I need ten years to do it. And he agreed.'”
“But it still can’t be done! It’s still impossible! A monkey can’t learn to sing!”
“That’s exactly what the rabbi’s congregation said, sir. They said he’s a monkey, he can never learn to be a singer. But the rabbi said, ‘a lot can happen in ten years. For example, the king could die, or I could die, or the monkey could die. Or who knows,’ he continued… ‘in ten years, maybe I CAN teach that monkey how to sing!'”

“Oh my.”

“See?”

“Well… but, uhh…. how does this help me?”
“Well, sir, you’ve appointed a special envoy who can’t keep his mouth shut and learn to be a patriot, so you have to do something. And you have choices, sir.”
“Yes, but WHAT choices?”
“Well, sir, you’ve got a four year term, right? In that long a time, Kerry could resign, or you could fire him. Or Kerry could die, or you could die, or Congress could impeach him for treason, sir, or if you don’t act on it, Congress could impeach you for treason, sir.”
“NONE of these are good choices!”
“But anything’s possible, sir. The good Lord can do anything, if He wants to, and you have time. In all that time, who knows, maybe John Kerry COULD learn to become a patriotic American who can keep his mouth shut when chatting with our enemies, sir.”
“I’ve known him for 50 years, Rhett.”
“And?”
“That’s the least likely of all.”
…end of transmission…
Copyright 2021 John F Di Leo
Permission is hereby granted to share on social media, provided it is uncut and this byline/copyright section is included.

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